MC Press has generously granted me this opportunity to let my loyal reader know that my book, BYTE-ing Satire, is now temporarily over 30% off—just in time for you to save on your Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Gimplesfolly Day gifts.
What? You've never heard of Gimplesfolly Day? Allow me to explain. Gimplesfolly Day commemorates the death of Moishe Gimple, who, in his time, was affectionately known as the "Pugilistic Plumber." The "plumber" part is understandable as that's how he earned his living, but there is no record of why "pugilistic" became part of his nickname. Not only had he never boxed, but his fingers were so pudgy that he was unable to form a fist.
Gimple became famous—and rich—as a result of his trademarked "Stopperless Sink." Whenever customers told him they wanted a sink with a stopper, Gimple petulantly whined, "What do you want a stopper for? You put the stopper in. You run the water and walk away for a second. Then your mind wanders and you forget about it. The water overflows, and all of a sudden you've got major structural damage. That's going to run into big money. Trust me. It's well worth your while to spend a few extra bucks to get a Stopperless Sink."
Gimple sold thousands of Stopperless Sinks annually at a $500 premium over a standard sink. Gimple also secretly earned considerable income through an agreement with clothing stores. After customers in those stores paid for their apparel purchases, the cashiers would say, "Because of the delicate nature of the fabric, make absolutely certain that you hand wash those garments in the sink. You do have a stopper in your sink, don't you?" Anyone who had bought one of Gimple's sinks would inevitably answer "no." The clerk then sold the hapless customer one of the stoppers that Gimple had removed from a standard sink to turn it into his signature Stopperless Sink. Gimple and the store split the profit on the stoppers.
The Pugilistic Plumber came to a tragic end at the age of only 54 when he suffered a massive coronary after eating one too many corned beef sandwiches at Manny's Manhattan Meat Market. Sadly, Gimple never thought to ask for lean meat in his sandwiches. By a bizarre and almost mystical coincidence, when he died, his cholesterol count was exactly equal to the size of the national debt.
During a memorial service, a friend of Gimple's, an astrologer who made his fortune by convincing an exceptionally large number of people that he could use the position of the planets to accurately predict when night would surely follow day, noted that at the moment of Gimple's death, the moon, Mars, and Manny's Manhattan Meat Market were all in precise alignment, an event revered in astrology circles as "the perfect triple M." Consequently, Gimple is now memorialized every time that celestial configuration recurs.
For some unknown, but admirable reason, it has become traditional to give all of your friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues gifts of humorous books about technology on Gimplesfolly Day. BYTE-ing Satire would, therefore, make the perfect Gimplesfolly Day gift. Would I lie about a thing like that?
Joel Klebanoff is a consultant, a writer, and president of Klebanoff Associates, Inc., a Toronto, Canada-based marketing communications firm. He is also the author of BYTE-ing Satire, a compilation of a year's worth of his columns. Joel has 25 years experience working in IT, first as a programmer/analyst and then as a marketer. He holds a Bachelor of Science in computer science and an MBA, both from the University of Toronto. Contact Joel at
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